By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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