Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Congratulations! We have a period
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
