i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
