I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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