I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
