friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
