Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
