oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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