TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Two words: nipple clamps
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