Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The adults are the big ones right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
