the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can I color on your dick again?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
