She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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