Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
