Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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