She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
