she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
