Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Randomize