u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
