someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
