dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
