I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
