i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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