So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
