like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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