Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize