he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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