i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
do herpes really smell.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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