Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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