Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
