at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
