First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
