the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can't special order awesome
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
