Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
