i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
