You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize