I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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