from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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