I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
