I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
