he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
