i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
