yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
