I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
