Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize