i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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