She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
