OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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