girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
