I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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