I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
