She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
