why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
