dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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