Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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