The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
