did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
