Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
