i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
