I wish my penis had an off switch
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize