Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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