bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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