Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
