she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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