Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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