worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's always time for handjobs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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