im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize