she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
