chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
