The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
