Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
