Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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