when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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