You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
