i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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