It's like God shit irony all over that family
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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