he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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